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10 more things that I can’t do

In a fun-packed follow up to my previous post ‘10 things I can’t do’, here are 10 more things that I can’t do, thanks to psoriasis.

more things that I can't doPlay with the cat.

I love my cat. His name is Jake and that is him in the picture. He was a rescue cat, and has a long term medical condition. He also suffers with dry, itchy skin - he could be nothing else but my cat! He loves to play, but can get a bit rough. Whilst I care deeply about his skin condition, he gives not a damn about mine and leaves me bleeding and in pain from scratches and bites. He means no harm, and much of it is accidental, but still, with my weak skin I have no defence.

Rub my eyes.

Pretty easy one might think, and something that I do often without even noticing that I am doing it. But my scaly lids and under eye areas are so sore, I have to try to resist. Rubbing my eyes results in a shower of flakes and intense pain, but at the same time feels so good. I wear glasses at all times, so they mask the appearance of my psoriasis in that area, but they don’t make it hurt any less.

Break wind loudly.

I don’t care what you say – farting is one of life’s great pleasures. Of course, whoever and wherever you are – care must be taken. Are you alone? Are you in an enclosed space? Is someone knelt down behind you tying their shoe? Once the coast is clear, it is time to let rip! Sadly, I cannot. Amazingly, when aiming for as much volume as possible, the vibration splits the weakened skin of my sphincter, leaving me bloody. Just in case, I normally wear red underwear.

BaldShave my head.

This one is physically possible, but the results would be disastrous. Putting aside for a moment the fact that I have a skull shaped like a dropped watermelon, the psoriasis on my scalp is horrendous. I am truly dreading the fact that I may go bald. All I can hope is that by the time all my hair finally falls out – that in this ever changing world of fashion, men’s powdered wigs are back in style. It’s been a couple of hundred years; surely they are due a resurgence?

Take up boxing.

I’m too old to start now, but I’d love to be a boxer. I know it is not to everyone’s taste, and I can understand that. But there is a certain honesty about it, as well as it being the only sport that I watch that genuinely makes my heart race. But I suspect that with psoriasis, things might be difficult. I can’t wear gloves, let alone boxing gloves. And weak skin is not a good thing in this scenario. The other issue is that I can get a nosebleed by just thinking too hard. Heaven forbid someone punched me in the face. No, that’s not gonna happen.

Put my hands in my pockets.

I have covered this topic in several other posts. But it remains high on my priority list, purely because it is something that I do about 200 times a day – and every time, I say “Oww”, and that’s the polite version. The skin on my hands is so damaged, and the contents of my pockets so sharp, this is not a combination that gives me any pleasure.

Go Skateboarding.

OK, I could go skateboarding. But I don’t. For one, I am far too old and would look like a fool. However, I could live with that. I should note, I still have several skateboards, and skated extensively in my youth. The real stopper is with the certain knowledge that that when you skate, you fall down a lot. Trying, failing, not giving up and trying again until you perfect your trick is the cornerstone of skating. To succeed, first you must fail. But falling over on to my psoriasis ravaged knees and elbows would be powerfully uncool.

Put on my shoes.

Another simple, daily event, one might think. Not something that you might expect to be an issue. I learned to tie my shoes some time ago, so that’s not the problem. It’s this: to get my heel in to my shoe, I stick my finger in there first. Then, of course, sliding my foot over the psoriasis on my finger is total agony. Yes – I know that there is a simple resolution, but I refuse to purchase a shoe-horn. They are just far too old fashioned for someone as hip as I am.

Yoga.

I have never tried yoga, but have always wanted to give it a go. But I note that a lot of the time, I would be on my knees and elbows, or stretching in ways that my skin will not stretch, and this just won’t do. Plus, referring back to point 3 in this list, yes – I would be that guy. I don’t think yoga is really for me, or for anyone anywhere near me.

Pick my nose.

Because that’s just disgusting. But tasty!

 

 

 

Nigel Beckett

3rd October 2018

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