I have noted in my other posts that this blogging malarkey is all new to me. Normally, I simply don’t talk about my psoriasis, unless someone asks me directly. But this blog has given me a new outlet, and I am enjoying sharing my experiences. It’s good to talk sometimes, right? I’m a good listener too, so if you wanted to post a comment or question, use the form below this post and I would be happy to hear from you. And feel free to share this on your preferred social media platform if you like. Sharing is caring!
I have no particular subject in mind for this post at the moment. I’m just writing because I enjoy writing. I’m not looking to try to impress my personal philosophy upon you, nor to make any particular point. I’m just chatting, because I like to do so. I have no idea where this is going, to be honest.
Putting psoriasis to one side for a moment, I must admit that in real life, I’m really not very talkative at all. I don’t do idle gossip or chit-chat. I don’t talk behind the backs of others, nor waste time with pointless pontification. I do much better when I stop, think a little, and write something down.
I know for a fact that this all boils down to one particular point in my life, when I was chosen to perform in a school play aged about 9 years old or so. I was voted in to the role by my classmates, with whom I was popular, ahead of another friend who was less popular but far more able to perform the part than I. Popularity goes a long way – often too far – then, just as now.
Rehearsals began, but before too long I was taken to one side by the Headmaster. He told me in no uncertain terms that I was no longer going to play the role for which I had been selected – because no-one could understand what I was saying! The ‘less popular’ friend took the role on instead, and, with hindsight, quite rightly so. (James Kirby, if you are reading this – you deserved it and you did great!).
Slow down and talk
My mind has always been sharp; my thoughts racing ahead at full speed; but my voice could never keep up – making my vocal speech (and my handwriting) almost unintelligible. The blow that was stuck by that dismissal has lived with me ever since (nearly 40 years now and counting), and I have never had confidence in my own voice. But when I have the time to slow down and write something, I feel (at least I hope) that I still make some sense.
So – not talking about the latest celebrity gossip, or the most recent, appalling, reality TV show is one thing. Not talking about a life changing medical condition is another thing entirely. I feel the need, now more than ever before, to discuss the issue, if not for anyone’s benefit but my own.
These days, I consider myself quite enlightened. However, this has not always been the case. We all grow up eventually, right? Well; most of us do…
Karma - it bites
I remember, decades ago, seeing a woman cross the road in front of me. I recall thinking to myself that she could do with a wash. The scaly skin behind her ears was quite disgusting, and I almost felt like telling her to go and get herself a shower. I didn’t, of course, but Karma's a bitch, right? This lady had psoriasis; I know that now.
Do I feel bad for thinking those thoughts? Well, its now 25 years later and – yes, I do. To this day I still feel bad, and I think of that lady often. I will never know her, but I wish that there was some way that I could find her and tell her that I do understand, now. The fact that all those years ago I was that kind of person chills me to the bone. To live a life with a total lack of understanding for the difficulties that other people suffer is no life at all.
I’m glad to say that I did grow up, after all. It was psoriasis that did that for me, and for that, I am thankful. It is not until you walk in the footsteps of others that you truly understand.
Psoriasis is the last of my worries
I have only said this to a few people before, but now I say it to you – I am happy to have psoriasis. Whist it has been a painful, upsetting and stressful experience – and it continues to be so, it has taught me some valuable life lessons. It has taught me acceptance, understanding and compassion. And, if I could choose to have one incurable medical condition, I would choose psoriasis. My life expectancy is unaffected, my pain and stress is manageable, and my quality of life is acceptable.
It is not what I would have chosen, but it is better than many other alternatives. Cancer has taken away my friends and family members. So too has heart disease, depression, accident and suicide. Psoriasis – my constant companion – is just one small part of who I am. And all things considered, I am cool with that. I can cope with it, and so can you.
23rd August 2018